February 18, 2005

• Invention #1 – The Penetrator (An Armor Piercing Condom)

  
  

  
  

   

  
  

  Have you ever met one of those cold-hearted, sexually resistant women that are so well defended they are basically armor plated?  Trying to get lucky with them is like trying to have sex with a concrete wall.   Announcing the all new Penetrator*!  A depleted uranium coated condom similar to the armor piercing weapons used by our modern armed forces to penetrate the armor plating on tanks in the battle field.  These new militarily hardened condoms are guaranteed to go right through several inches of your own ice queen’s steel walls of defense like they were melting butter.  So try the all new Penetrator* and pierce her shields tonight!  Iraq fell in just a few short weeks.  Just think of what this can do for you and your sexual conquests!

  
  

   

  
  

  *Disclaimer: All claims dependant on consumer’s ability to accelerate to, and maintain, a velocity exceeding 1000 feet per second and survive an impact, without injury, similar to a 44 caliber bullet striking a solid wall at an angle in incidence perpendicular to the afore mentioned wall.  Additionally, serious health related risks may exist, especially in the case of fire, explosion or intense friction causing aspiratable depleted uranium dust, particles or shrapnel.  The manufacturer and inventor of The Penetrator make no claims as to the suitability of the use of this product for any application whatsoever.  Moral and ethical implications of the use of this product are the responsibility of the consumer.  A partner’s willingness to participate may also be an issue and while this product may be able to puncture the most resistant of defenses, that does not mean it is morally, ethically or legally right to do so.  Please check your local, state and Federal laws and statues prior to all and any use of this product.  If you live in a “no means no” state, added caution and prior consent of any partner involved is strongly advised and may be legally required.  Use at own risk.  For those consumers in Arkansas and West Virginia, this product has been tested for use with trees, posts, columns and other inanimate objects but the same requirements and risks apply as described above except for possibly the moral and ethical ones.  Only available in extra-small.

  
  

   

  
  

   

  • 2:34 pm
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